“A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.”
— William James
Thinking habits have held many people back from achieving their desire life, although they are smart but life seems unbearable and difficult for them. Most intelligent people have the skills and strength to make their life easy and enjoyable however, bad thinking habits have trapped them into a self defeating thoughts cycle which impedes their ability to make any quality decision. Here is the good news once you master your mental habits they no longer have power over you. Our greatest success comes at the moment we make our mind a servant rather than a master.
Emotional states such as anxiety, shyness, depression and worry are the main sources of self-defeating thoughts killing our daily chance of success. The mind is always directing us to safety when we experience something beyond our comfort zone. It is always our aim that each day we could take our life to a new level of success; do we see any progress as we expect? They painful thing is when we have the knowledge but find it difficult to make real changes in our life.
I have read many of the most highly recommended success literature books that I could afford. However, I did not get the real results as they said about those books and their authors. Therefore I thought those methods and techniques in the books were not working until I got to know that my thoughts play an integral part in my failures and disappointments. When I corrected my thought pattern, my life changed tremendously. Thinking habits and self-acceptance are very important in our daily lives.
Thinking habits ans self-acceptance are very important in our daily lives. Neurologists say that our mind will always try to convince us to do what is safe and comfortable, it up to us to make the effort to change the default thinking habits to pave way for success to come into our life. Through a thorough research and personal experience these are some of the thinking habits killing our chance of happiness and success. Go through all of them so that you can get to know those you are identified with.
You tell yourself that something terrible is about to happen. Fortune telling is the negative prediction you make about the future. “I am going to feel nervous during the upcoming presentation”, I wouldn’t know what to say if I meet the girl I want. When that happens, your heart beats faster, your breathing becomes faster and, more shallow, and your adrenal glands start pumping out cortisol and adrenaline. Fortune-telling thoughts instantly push your stress levels higher. What’s worse, predicting bad things can actually help them come true and most often it creates relationship problems. For example, if you fear rejection and you are in your first date you probably might be predicting a series of rejection if your real self is revealed. I just know I’m going to say something stupid and look like a fool’’
This thinking habit makes you assume that other people are judging you or looking down on you, even when there’s no convincing evidence for this .Whiles walking on the street you might think that everyone else know the other and they are all looking at you and judging you negatively; how you walk, the clothes you wear etc. At workplace you think that others do not value your performance.
You exaggerate the danger in a situation. A little disagreement can make you believe that there must be something wrong with you making people rejecting you. Meanwhile this is just an event which you could have stayed away from it. “He didn’t greet me meaning no one values me”. I am no longer important.
You reason from how you feel. You tell yourself. I feel scared so I must be in danger” or I feel like I’m about to crack up. So I must really be on the verge of going crazy”, “I feel like I am a failure”, “I feel like I’m being treated unfairly.” Maybe you do feel that way, but is it true? Sometimes feelings lie, especially when you are tired, hungry, worried about something else, under a lot of stress, deprived of the brain chemicals you need, or struggling with a hormonal issue.
You tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel so anxious, shy or insecure, since normal people don’t feel that way. I should be good; I should finish the work early. These statements put unnecessary pressure on you to be perfect, but that is not the truth about real life. They are just ideals. These statements can also cause you to be a people pleaser .
You label yourself or others as “a fool a loser, mediocre, a shy, this habit of the mind prevents you from getting clarity of issues in your daily life. Most importantly you will not understand the reasons behind certain rules because you will just jump into comments such as stupid rules, poor management, life is unfair etc.
You beat up on yourself for every little flaw or shortcoming including the fact that you’re anxious. Blame game: I will put it this way, it is the unconscious declaration that you are powerless but others and situations are powerful over you. You blame yourself for not being the same as others. You blame yourself for how other people treat you.
You take things personally even if they do not directly relate to you. We all own a responsibility to make this world a better place right from creating good relationship, peace, love, good leadership and many more, despite this, we do not have to hold ourselves responsible for every negative occurrence. Examples of this thinking habit; my girlfriend did not pick my call this morning; she does not love anymore. Maybe she could be charging her phone. My friend failed in her exams; I must be a bad friend, I should have helped . It could be that your friend made a mistake during the exams.
Any time you think in absolutes, usually characterized by such words as always, never, no one, everyone, every time, or everything, your negative thinking makes a temporary situation look like a permanent reality. Some examples: “He never listens to me.” “I always have to do what she wants.” “Everyone in this family gets their way except me.” This kind of thinking closes your mind to other possibilities and keeps you focused on the negative, which will make you feel more anxious and/or depressed.
Focusing on the negatives
Life is full of negatives and positives. This thinking habit make us over invest our attention on the negative outcome of our life and situations. You feel bad about yourself and others if only focus on negative moments and circumstances. It is also not good to focus on only positive situations, open your mind to embrace all things and learn from them.
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