13 Signs You're a People Pleaser: avoid being abused by other people

People pleasing are the causes of many emotional and relationship problems in our lives. We sacrifice our creative ability in most cases not our own conscious will but that disease called people pleasing make us do absurd things for others just to feel validated and win their approval. The admonishment from the bible that “do unto others as you want others to do unto you” and the parental advice “be a good person” have left many people confused as when they are being good and being pleasing to others. Mostly we take things personally and punish ourselves for others because of the misunderstanding of this admonishments, but a book written by James Rapson & Craig English saved me. People Pleasing is the investment of the ego to control others to like us, whiles doing good to others is the pure conscious act to help others who actually need it.

James Rapson & Craig English in their book Anxious to please: 7 Revolutionary practices for the ‘chronically nice have listed the following as nice behaviors:

1. If you are always longing for something ( or someone)

2. If you feel worried or fretful so often it seems normal.

3. If you often don’t know what you want.

4. If you are always thinking about what you wish you had said.

5. If you constantly second-guess yourself.

6. If you apologize frequently, especially for things you are not responsible for.

7. If you take what you’re given instead of asking for what you want.

8. If you are frequently surprised that other people don’t reciprocate your goodwill.

9. If you are often preoccupied with what people think of you.

10. If you do favors for people with the secret hope they will reciprocate.

11. If you are more prone to feel sorry for yourself then to take action and fix problems.

12. If you tend to give more than you get (you might be resentful about this).