Woititz, Janet Geringer
“A relationship is very much like a project in that it involves a process”.
Imagine one day all that you need in relationship is being fulfilled. How will you feel? What will do you for yourself? Surely you will raise yourself esteem for such a great experience of life. There is nothing wrong with been happy, excited, joyful and fulfilled in a good relationship but we nice people view of good relationship is rather causing inner unrest in the long run.
Nice people normally obsess about relationships which does not exist in the real world, but only in the imagination. So when nice people enter into relationship with a person they believe it is their long awaiting fantasies that has come to pass therefore they cling heavily on the person, and judge the actions of their partner based on their own lens of seeing the world. ‟He/ she does not agree with my choice for lunch so he/ she hate me”. Nice people feel needy and intensive eagerness to remain in a relationship even though their needs are not met. The hope that one day everything will work in their favor is enough for a nice person to remain in an abusive relationship.
Despite nice people’s faulty behaviors they have an inner qualities of caring, love, readiness for commitment, endurance, willingness for suggestions and advice if a good relationship ever emerges. They can even set and achieve their goals in life but they must overcome these bad habits below so that they can use their qualities for their own benefits.
1 overcome the imagination pedestals
The first thing nice people do in their relationship is using their imagination to project or idealize their partner who in reality does not possess such qualities. A lover question about a nice person’s job or career can make him/her idealize the lover as a visionary and an all- wise person. Because of the false projections of their lover nice people interpret every action of their lover to have something to do with the relationship. The perfect way to overcome this problem is to create awareness of your own illusions about relationship and phase it out in your life.
Nice people believe that their self worthy, happiness, is entirely depend on the mood of their lover they engage in self punishing sacrifice and people pleasing behaviors with all the intents and purposes of wining their lover’s approval. One perfect way of overcoming this is to create awareness of your thoughts, feelings and fears when you are in a relationship.
3 overcome your need to hold your lover captive
Nice people usually have insecurity and intense fears of losing their partner therefore the engage in behaviors that will put their lover in a gilded cage, they make the lover depend on them for assistance, isolate from their friends, indebtedness, guilt/ shame, and feel pity for them. Recognize this as a partner in your relationship will help you see who your lover really is. The above mention points are in your subconscious mind therefore you need time to mindful bring them to your conscious level and then dissolve them.