Fantasizing about relationships is really energy-draining, illusive, and depressing because after holding a series of nice thoughts and imagination in your head idealizing and thinking obsessively about someone as your Mr./Miss Right and the person rather shows unconcern about all your efforts you put in to bring about a good relationship with him/her. Fantasizing about relationships takes your time and put your emotions at the mercy of others.
Worst still, the person you fantasy about sometimes turns your love for him /her as an insistence on your part to force them into a relationship with you. It’s beyond your ability to know exactly what you should do to keep someone in a relationship with you, but you can create an awareness of your past negative conditioning so that you can see with the clarity of mind who your partner or potential partner truly is instead of holding fantasies and idealizing him/her.
Fantasy is an imagination of the future. In relationships, it is a childlike preoccupation of love affairs with someone you are attracted to, a past or potential boyfriend or girlfriend, a hero, Celebrity. Fantasies have effects in our life, both negative and positive. It’s positive when it serves as a motivation to achieve a goal. It is negative when it takes our time and makes us avoid reality and forget to take responsibility for our life. Fantasizing about relationships can become addictive or a pattern in our daily life.
Fantasizing about relationships as an addiction makes most people suffer in their relationships, jobs, and careers, and it even breeds unnecessary anger and blame games if such fantasies do not come to reality. The victims who Susan Peabody in her eye-opening book, Addiction to love: overcoming, obsession and dependency in relationships. Refer to as love addicts. They engage in obsessive thinking, preoccupying, selective attention, rationalizing, idealizing their partner, or potential partner, and how wonderful the future will be if they are in a relationship with such a person.
The love addict despite their fault behavior they also have intense fear and anxiety that their partner or the person he/she fantasy about may leave them if they do not walk on eggshells.
In a sharp contrast to the love addict’s obsessive thinking, and fancy thoughts about their partner the relationship wine off early. The love addicts, by the force of their fantasies, rationalize about how good the relationship was or how comforting it will be if the relationship is repaired. This behavior develops a loop, so the love addict will move with his/her faulty behavior, believing that only if they are nice, they will be worth of love.
After break up the love addict still continue to fantasy and daydream about how good the relationship was or will be if the partner allowed it. If you find yourself related in this article’s narration kindly take the steps suggested by Susan Peabody below to free yourself from excessive fantasizing about relationships. You can also check the 3 easy relationship guides for nice people.
1 If you fantasize excessively, recognize this and look at the motives behind it.
2 Don’t let excessive fantasizing take priority over other activities.
3 Don’t distort or try to escape the reality of your life by fantasying.
4 Discipline yourself when you are alone. When you start drifting off into a fantasy, Stop yourself or put a time limit on it (this is called “thought stopping.”)
5 If you tend to fantasize obsessively, structure your time more carefully. Find constructive things to do. When it is time to relax, read or watch television rather than drift off into a fantasy.
6 Don’t let childhood fantasies guide your selection of a partner. Determine what your needs are as an adult. Consider your age, standards, taste, spiritual values, environment, and so on, but no your childhood romantic fantasies,
7 Don’t let your fantasies become expectations or dreams that have to come true. Be flexible about what make you happy.
8 When you are facing reality on a daily basis and “living in the moment”, begin thinking about improvements that can be made in yourself and changes that can be made in your situation. Use dreaming as a way to make realistic and mature plans for your life. Dreaming is constructive if they are used as a blueprint for working toward real success and happiness.