How to Overcome Shyness

It is possible to overcome shyness quickly if you inculcate discipline into your life and follow all the steps I have painstakingly gathered for you. Shyness makes you feel self-conscious and has an intense need to withdraw from social situations. you get nervous, tongue-tied, and wondering what to say during a conversation. There is a great future waiting for you never settle with the mantra “I am the shy type” it is an excuse that is shrinking your social life and taking away your joy of being confident around others. if you are a shy person you are not alone, I am also like you. However, I have taken a journey through recovery which really helped me and I am going to share my experience with you shortly.

You can easily overcome shyness within a short period of time, it is a matter of changing your behavior to attune to a higher purpose than yourself.  You have been hardwired in so many years with these self-defeating behaviors in your life but is it changeable by nurture? Shyness was an obstacle in my early twenties that destroyed my career, relationships, and social life, and at some point, people misunderstood me and took me as an arrogant guy. In my case, I have not spoken to a large crown before however, I now have the courage to speak to people comfortably without shame or shyness.

The desire to overcome shyness is not to seek the attention of everyone but a journey to inner peace and fulfillment. Don’t look for validation from anyone to be happy or feel valued, the idea behind this is that if you are looking onto others for validation you are only getting yourself addicted to familiarity, approval, and no chance of venturing into the unknown.

In order to effectively overcome shyness, you have to allow life to unfold by itself. The fallacy of planning that runs in your head must stop. Obsession about what to do in a social event is actually what brings discomfort and the feeling of inadequacy when you are among other people.  More to the point, if the narrator in our head is true why then do you feel confident in your room knowing that you are now better but fumble when you are around others? Don’t give your inner voice a chance again.

Shyness manifest in different ways and situation to different people, one can be comfortable in a date but tongue tie in public speaking and another can be comfortable in a presentation but reserved and confuse in a date. Shyness can affect us in different aspects of our lives you take a look at them below.

                   Shyness in relationship

 As a shy you get unease when meeting someone for the first time, encountering the other sex, and in situations where you perceive a greater likelihood of being evaluated by others. Even worst when you are attracted to a person you get emotional and become confused as to how to go about it, you get lock up in an excessive obsession and paralyzed by analysis about how the relationship will be, then give up your need to make the first move.

                                Social life

As a shy during social interaction, you engage in behavior that inhibits you from learning the social skills that you are seeking. Examples of such limiting behaviors are withdrawal, frustration, scared, self-doubt (if I say anything it’s usually inappropriate), blushing, eyes looking at the ground, acting withdrawn, and keeping quiet all these behaviors make other people perceive you as someone who doesn’t like talking. Truth to tell, inwardly you are always planning an appropriate thing to talk about in the interaction. By the force of dramatic impulses, you sometimes proceed despite the tension and say something which look dramatic to you but irrational to others, this usually kills the interaction then you engage in a self-destructive question “what is wrong with me”? This question is the beginning of a relapse into your old behaviors.

                                  misunderstood

Although shyness is an inward experience that other people may not understand about you it manifests by being embarrassed. Making other people to conclude that you lack interest in others, you are self-centered, rude, conceited, unworthy, and so on. You sometimes feel misjudged, in this way. You always lowered your eyes and reluctance to make eye contact these characteristics are interpreted by others that you are so submissive and this, together with a reluctance to contribute to interaction, can constrain the social roles open to you.

                                   The challenge

You lack confidence in yourself and do not expect to be successful in taking the initiative in social interaction, you are motivated to make an effective preservation of yourself but doubt the ability to do so and consequently adopt self-protective strategies in order to cope with these doubts. As a shy you make stable internal attributions for your social difficulties, you blame yourself for your predicaments, and you report negative self-deprecatory thoughts during an interaction.

                         The erroneous belief

Most shy people believe that they can overcome shyness by moving to a different location either than their present living place. I don’t condemn taking an adventure but if the motive is to overcome shyness it wouldn’t work. I have been a victim of this behavior I thought that if I were in a place where no one knew me my shyness would go away; this was the erroneous belief I carried for many years. so instead of living a joyous in the present moment, I was having fantasies of one when the opportunity ever emerges for me to move to a new location. Then I keep on procrastinating about taking steps to transform myself.

Another behavior shy people do is they obsess about power too much, they believe that if they have a position of influence their shyness will go away or they will feel much better. No external thing can solve your inner problem beware of that!

                                             Bad advice

Shyness is easy to overcome if you use the right technique however, it will take an effort to transform completely. Most of the advice we get from other people about how to overcome shyness is summarized into “Don’t be shy just be brave” while I do not condemn this technique I lack understanding of how they think of shyness to be, is it something which you are used to and now you do not want? Or is it a psychological problem that you have to reprogram yourself? If they accept the latter as true, then don’t be shy just be brave” mantra cannot overcome it, I have worked hard on myself to overcome shyness and through my journey here are some effective ways to overcome it.

1 Be genuine

A little drop of honey will attract more flies than a gallon of water. You must accept the fact that you are now learning social skills so when you are with others do not try to be manipulative trying to force people to accept you and what you are saying. Do the little you can instead of trying to demonstrate mastery. Also, don’t pretend you know everything. Visit a place where a lot of people meet and actively participate in the activities they do. Don’t make up your mind that you are doing it just to overcome your shyness, say to yourself I love being around other people. One challenge you will face in this step is your imagination pedestal that is your mind will keep wondering about dos and don’ts in social life, ignore them such imagination, and surrender to the activity.  

2 Reframing

You can turn a negative situation to your own advantage, do not use your mental energy thinking about how shy you are. You can now reframe it so that you are learning better ways to relate effectively with others. One of the steps you have taken is you reading this post. You could have stopped reading this immediately after you read the first sentence but you still put in the effort to continue. spending time appreciating yourself in every step you take will encourage you to overcome the shyness that binds you. Stop using statements like I am an idiot, I make stupid decisions, I am always going to be shy and awkward to describe myself. Reframing my past mistakes instead of my past mistakes are holding me put it I have learned good lessons from my past I enjoy moving on with my life.

3 the public is not out to judge you.

“Do not rent a space in your head for anyone” this is the title of one man’s book. Always focus on the impact you are making in this world instead of thinking about the judgment other people will make about you. The truth is that everyone is thinking about his /her own space in this world. They do not judge you as you think, talk yourself out of the low self-esteem by stopping to believe that others are superior than you. You may think that other people have their life together and everything is working well for them except you. This is false thinking, you are also great and bless just that you have not taken the time to celebrate it.

4 Be proactive

Plan ahead of time to take your life into a whole new direction. It is not your fault that you are shy but it will be your fault if after this awareness you still allow shyness to kill your goals and dreams, learn internal motivation to strike whiles the iron is hot. Not every moment that everything will be available to you. It takes effort to take your life to a whole new direction, change is possible for everyone it doesn’t matter your age you can change at any time. Do not dissuade yourself if you don’t change rapidly as you expect. Continue to push forward.

5 Do not be resistant to change

Change is something we all have to go through at some point in our life in order to achieve any new standard of life that we plan to get to. Mostly we imagine the steps we have to pass through then we get discouraged and give up quickly. When changing your life, you have to get rid of old beliefs system that do not serve you at the moment and it is not easy to change them within a short period of time your need patience to completely clean them from your life and it is worth the effort.

I recommend you read the book below it is a great resource to overcome shyness.

Overcoming Shyness is an easy-to-read, practical guide for breaking out of your shell and really living a life free of social anxiety. It’s divided into two sections. The first section on mindset explores lifestyle changes, new ways of thinking, and using imagination for you instead of against you to expand your identity and know your true self. Journaling and psychological counseling are recommended as well as finding mentors and an online community, such as the authors. The second section on back pocket tips provides several tools and techniques, such as smiling, the ABCs of body language, the 3-foot rule, the 4 magic words to initiate a conversation and the key to maintaining it, active listening, and the secret sauce, that are guaranteed to get you out of your cramped shell and into the exciting world of social Interaction. The author writes from experience with compassion, wit, and insight so that you feel like you’re having a heart-to-heart conversation with an understanding friend.

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