Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Anger is one of the useful emotions that when we use it at the appropriate time and situation we build a very good boundary for others who are in relationship with us. However, in most cases we express anger when a situation or action by someone else has triggered off memories of an unfinished situation in our past or as a defense of not wanting to appear vulnerable. Anger that is misplaced is like holding a hot object and expecting another person to feel the pain. It will also not do you any good in the long run if you suppress your anger, therefore you can follow the 5 Guidelines For Expressing Anger to always be constructive and creative in every situation.
In some cases the anger we hold is under the theme “I‘ll show you” this stem from the belief that no one can control us. Peoples’ opinions about what you should do and shouldn’t are bound to occur, therefore you will be wasting your productive life if you constantly get angry of who say what or did what to you. Know that you have the power, to believe or reject what others say about you.
Anger is sneaky, sometimes it comes from self-righteousness. Self – righteous is against spiritual laws because it has its root from rationalization rather than facts or truth, therefore the need to always be right get you nowhere, it only gets you angry if others do not agree with you.
Anger has so many ways to make you, self-destructive and emotional instable and being stuck in life. Here are ways to help you overcome your automatic anger.
1# Overcome bad your attitudes.
Attitude is a clutter of belief with a predisposition to behave according to such beliefs. Attitudes turn bad if you are just rebellion to show that you know everything rather than obeying reality. Bad attitude can be as little such as shouting of a person to show your authority, disrespecting others merely to show that you are better than them, getting irritated by confrontation because of the feeling of belittlement. Examine your attitudes daily and erase all the self-destructive attitudes in your life.
2# Overcome I am unchangeable mentality.
Mental habits counts in our daily life experiences. A mentality that says I am unchangeable will have you being in an unnecessary suffering in your life. There is a saying that “if you expose your sickness, you will get cure for it”. “You can’t change me mentality” has in it the fear of admitting your weakness. Blaming yourself and others for circumstance in your life will never get you what you truly want. Learn to be flexible in every situation.
3# Stop trying to prove something
One way we get angry of ourselves and others is the need to prove something to demonstrate mastery, but if such thing that we try to prove does not catch the attention of others, we usually get mad of ourselves. We have to see ourselves as good enough to do anything without any serious attachment to the outcome, trying to prove something only create tension in the body and conflict in the mind.
4# Stop being passive –aggressive
Passive- aggressive is a wish for something to happen, but being indirect in your approach to get it, this kind of behavior leads to anger and frustration because many of the things you wish for never really happens or come to reality. Anything you want in your life act clearly and directly in your approach to have it done. Do not use blaming, complaining, anger, jealousy, resentment and chronically niceness to make what you want come into reality because others will not understand what you truly want.
5# stop believing that ‘The world owes me.’
This dangerous belief makes you feel entitled to some treatment and exceptions that other people should know you deserve without you telling them. These are self demanding messages in your head telling you I shouldn’t statements such as:
I shouldn’t have to wait.
I shouldn’t tell him/her “I love you”. Just by my behaviors he/she should know it.
I shouldn’t have to hang around in this traffic jam.
I shouldn’t have to earn enough money to live on.
These statements make you needy and you may act illogical in an attempt to feel in control of your life. Try everyday to erase all beliefs and self talks that traps you into unnecessary anger.